Since I didn’t stay offline as much as I should have and stumbled into Discourse, I’m going to go on record stating emphatically that no one owes you a relationship. No one owes you a debate about whether they owe you a relationship. No one owes you “closure” of the relationship they don’t owe you. Closure isn’t something someone else gives you, it’s a door you close yourself (as the other party has already done with their door), and if, instead of dealing with your own door, you stand at theirs, kicking and punching and screaming “Get out here and close my door for me!” in a transparent ploy to get past the boundary they’ve erected against you, it’s not a mystery why they locked you out.
People in chat were wondering how any adult human being didn’t spontaneously die of embarrassment at the very thought of whining in an article that someone doesn’t want to be their friend. People who behave this way aren’t capable of embarrassment. Being immune to shame is their superpower. The friend/partner/child pushed to the point of ending the relationship would never make a public spectacle of it. Therefore, the manipulator is free to do so and control the narrative. “I was cruelly cast off FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER! I’m so traumatized.” A while later, they’re pounding on a locked door and screaming, “ALL THESE PEOPLE AGREE YOU’RE IN THE WRONG after I told them a story that had nothing to do with reality. PUBLIC OPINION SAYS YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME ACCESS TO YOU!” They do embarrassing things in order to embarrass the people they manipulate. Somebody screaming on the lawn at 2 a.m. doesn’t think it will endear them to the person behind the locked door. They’re counting on that person unlocking the door to avoid an embarrassing scene with the neighbors.
Entitled, manipulative people who suck the life out of others and give nothing in return have a fantasy about how perfect their relationships are because those relationships are perfect for them. They never spare a thought to how little value they contribute to those relationships, they throw tantrums when it’s gently suggested they should add a little giving to their incessant taking, and they pick up a bullhorn and scream about being a victim when they get cut off from their supply.
You don’t own people. Your friends, romantic partners, and even adult children are not obligated to maintain relationships that diminish them just because you enjoy feeding off them. People choose which relationships are worth the cost of maintenance. If you freeload off their good nature from the beginning of a relationship to the moment they choose to cut you off, don’t pretend to be surprised when they tell you they’re done.
Every day, you have a choice about how to handle your relationships. EVERY DAY is an opportunity to be someone worth sticking with. Your “second chance” was on Day Two. You’ve blown a hundred or a thousand or ten thousand chances by the time someone hits their breaking point. You’ve shown them who you are! Any change you make to trap them a little longer will be temporary, you’ll be sullen the whole time you’re faking it until you decide you “won” and it’s safe to drop the mask and revert to your true form, and then you’ll be right back to the breakup because—surprise!—people who didn’t like being used and manipulated by you before this performance of faux contrition continue to not like being used and manipulated by you when the show’s over.
Let people go when they don’t want you. Find someone else to meet your needs. Either put some of your own effort into that relationship or resign yourself to finding a new host every few years as you drain each one dry. Because if your “best friend who’d do anything for me” can’t say the same about you, you are the flaw in the relationship.
If you’re compelled to argue with anyone who says you don’t get to imprison people in relationships, go right ahead (elsewhere—I’m not having it) so everyone who recognizes “I should get to imprison people in relationships” as villain speak can pin a red flag on you and preemptively close the gate. Nothing beats self-identification as an early warning system.